Friday, July 6, 2012

Potterthon: Why Harry Potter is Nasty Little Git, and a Terrible Influence on Impressionable Minds

Warning: this post will contain spoilers for the series.

Artist's impression of this post's
author: 'Nick'.
Our first Potterthon guest post may be a little controversial, but is brought to you by none other than Nickemort, who you may have heard referred to as Husbandman. Nick posits that Harry may not be all he's cracked up to, and if he had've just left that poor Voldy bloke alone, Deathly Hallows may never have happened. Imagine a world where we still had Lupin, Tonks, Hedwig, Dobby, Fred, and that's not to mention the dozens of others lost in the battle for Hogwarts. Yep, Nick likes to think it's all that nosey Potter kid's fault...

23 Reasons Why Harry Potter is Nasty Little Git, and a Terrible Influence on Impressionable Minds

  1. Takes up precious cupboard space—at a premium in London.
  2. Thinks he’s a total badass, what with the scar on his forehead
  3. Identity theft—Polyjuice Potion is a controlled substance for a reason
  4. Freeing house elves—who will do the dishes now?
  5. Unauthorized use of underage wizardry
  6. Illegally entering, and cheating, in the Tri-wizard Tournament
  7. Always getting his mates in trouble
  8. #9: Starting illicit clubs.
  9. Always getting his mates DEAD
  10. Starting illicit clubs
  11. It’s HIS fault Sirius died
  12. Succumbing to teenage angst, which is highly annoying (click on it guys. Trust me).
  13. He’s a MEAT EATER (OK, so maybe Lauren and Sarah added that in).
  14. Trespassing and Truanting
  15. Misuse of controlled curses, including multiple accounts of using an Unforgiveable Curse
  16. Knowingly disobeying school rules. Again. And again. And again.
  17. Invasion of privacy, what with constantly barging his way into Voldemort’s brain
  18. Bros before hoes: he hooks up with his best mate’s sister. That’s just uncool.
  19. It’s his fault Dobby died
  20. Multiple accounts of theft, including Stealing other’s wands.
  21. Kidnapping (goblins are people too)
  22. Multiple accounts of breaking the Statute Of Secrecy
  23. Steals from people’s vaults! BREAKING AND ENTERING! And that’s not to mention destroying invaluable heirlooms
  24. He’s a soulsucker! Harry Potter stole and destroyed Voldemort’s soul, and actively encouraged his friends to assist

So, muggles, what think you? Any more stories to further incriminate Undesirable No. 1?  Harry Potter: Friend, or Fiend? The facts are there. It's up to you to decide. And does anyone else find it is amusing as I that someone who claims to hate the boy wizard for all the above reasons was able to rattle them off from the top of his head?Yep. you find fans in the strangest of places. Who have you managed to convert to Potterism?

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  1. Bahhhaaaaaa!!! I do love Harry , but this was very funny. I must add, that my family absolutely loves ( sad I know) the puppet crew. We are always breaking out into everybody grabbing a character and somebody is the ticking bomb and we all do our version of the characters. LOL!! What! It is funny...Hermoooooiiiiiiineeee, Vol der mort, tick, tick, tick...Ron!! Sarah, we have bad humor in this house:D

    Very funny posting:D:D


  2. I would like to add that I also blame Harry for Sirius' death. There is no excusing him on this account.

  3. :-D
    Well Nick, when you put it like that...
    Also, Potter Puppet Pals for the win.

  4. Haha this is so funny! Hmmmm.... He and Ron have Hermione do their homework in a lot of ways. Cheating on homework. :( Oh, and cheating all the way through potions with the Halfblood Prince's book! Tsk, tsk.

  5. This post is hilarious! LOL. Harry is neither a friend or fiend. He must never be trusted. After all, he's also a nasty little git because when people see his scar they go, "OMG you're Harry POTTER?!?!?!" And he sort of goes like, "Yeah but I'm just an average person on the inside." I mean, he always plays down his name when really he should be using it for special favours. Just saying. Haha.

    1. Oh goodness! You're making me laugh/choke on my lunch! YES! I like the way you think. "You're Harry Potter?"/"Yeah, well, depends who's asking... and what's in it for me..."

      Ahahahaha! ^__^


    Goblins are people too. So very true.

    Oh God, Don't mention Dobby. I'm gonna cry again.

    I loved the Angsty Harry on the video. I've never seen that video before.

    Harry is niether Friend nor Fiend. He is in a world of his own. He does the best with his circumstances. But would I want to be his friend? Hells to the NO! I like breathing.

  7. Never thought about it that way until now... but you're right and I think if we switch our Potter Brain on we would find LOTS of other reasons like... oh, I don't know.... what about practicing unlisted spells and slicing up a fellow student?

  8. Haha, love it! Five minutes of awesome before starting work on a rainy Friday. Angsty Harry always got on my nerves - I could understand why, but it made for quite sluggish reading at points. Love the Potter Puppet Pals, had never seen that particularly video before!

  9. Hahahaha... hahaha this is WIN. I really think Nickmort has potential to be re-written in place of both Umbridge and Voldemort in the series. He has that Harry stalker/hater/I'm-secretly-jealous-of-that-nasty-little-git persona nailed.

    But #10 and #18 WERE BELLA'S FAULT. Harry could have screamed, "NOT MY HOUSE ELF - WHO ISN'T REALLY MINE, BUT A FREE ELF WHO PLEDGES HIS LOYALTY TO ME - YOU BITCH" but I do not believe these are valid points.

    I'm totally with you on #16 and #23. No wonder poor Voldy has trust issues. Poor guy =\


    Also x2: Hi, Nickmort..... PANTALOONIUS POOPACUS! *cackles* *runs off and let's Sarah deal with the consequences*

    Also: I love this :D

  10. Yes, he deserves to DIE. He also dragged Ron and Hermoine out and about for an entire YEAR in his mission to soul-suck He Who Must Not Be Named. His behaviour is absolutely inexcusable and atrocious!

    (Just kidding--I love Harry! But that list is so hilarious :D Loving this Potterthon!)

  11. This was awesome! Though I do love Harry, so I have to disagree! Sometimes you must do bad things for the right reasons *nods*. Lol.

    I converted my Dad? Or rather, I told him to read them, and he loved them. Does that count?

  12. This is hilarious:) lol:) I LOVE HP!

  13. Oh wow! Hilarious post!

    Hey now that I think about it, Harry HAS stolen a lot of things. ;) I guess he's just a kleptomaniac at heart. And really, he has a bit of a temper problem too.

  14. Funny post! Though I do love Harry, so I'd classify him as: FRIEND!!! He's my favorite character. Still, enjoyed going through the list!

  15. :0 Potter Puppet Pals rule!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Witty and hilarious post! It was so fun reading this post. All the complaints were so true. love the mention of "friend or fiend" and how Harry cheated in the tournament. Harry may be a hero but he did break the law an uncountable times.
    Love this post!!!!!!!!

  16. Love it, Nickemort! Thanks for sharing

    My beef is that not only did the professors allow Harry & Co get away with breaking the rules and taking tremendous risks, they actively encourage it (particularly Dumbledore and Hagrid)! Where's their duty of care? ;)

  17. Bahahahahaha omg this post has so much win!!!

  18. Hahahahaha, that was hilarious! Although I think Harry is a pretty good guy, I could see some points in it.
    It IS his fault that Sirius died, I totally agree on that one.

    And my mayor complaint: HE DIDN'T SAVE SEVERUS :O I looooooooove Severus. I'm a huge Snape fan from the beginning of the series, so I went all crazy when Harry didn't do a thing about it :(

  19. This post is wonderful!! That Harry...he really is a troublemaker. I particularly enjoy "bros before hoes" so true. :)


  20. Hahahahahaha...I'm trying to contain my laughter at work! I love this!!


    And wow, yes, #16. Poor Voldy should sue... It's just so inconsiderate of Harry :( How dare he intrude on his privacy like that!

    Such convincing arguments, Nick(emort) but I have to say you sound like a pretty huge HP FAN from here ;) Clearly you were as helpless as the rest of us and fell for Scarhead's (questionable) charm.

    Fantastic post! :D


  22. Hilarious post! Although I disagree on #4 (poor little house elves!), I agree with many of those facts. What we like about him says a lot about us, huh? :)

  23. Ha, brilliant! Harry sure was responsible for a lot of deaths, wasn't he? How was he allowed to run amok so long? ;-)



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